Wednesday, January 13, 2010

embracing our fragility

THE feeling of being loved by another, of having a price in the eyes of another human person is so soothing and uplifting. Our success in life may depend on this... on the fact that we have someone to work for, to make life living for. This feeling infuses a new wave of energy in us. As blinding as it might be, it also has its light.

That explains why the ache of a broken heart could be acute, painful and far-reaching. The pain of a broken heart could be very difficult to heal especially if we do not accept it. I have been thinking about this for sometime.  Someone shared to me the story of betrayal. She was bleeding. Her only love was cheating on her, making out with her best friend.

I did not know how to react to this. I know that every relationship is unique. The rules we imagine are always fake. Our models are fake. Our icon of love are fake. The only truth that defines a relationship is the dynamics of two unique hearts interacting, meeting, touching each other in their unique way. How could I therefore pretend to offer some help where I was a stranger. Yes, I will always remain a stranger to your pain. To anyone's pain. I will always be a stranger to another's wounds, they are sacred wounds, by approaching them, I am approaching a sort of sanctuary... I can only incline humbly, I can soothe it with silence, with a presence, with words, but I will never understand it. It may resemble a pain I have known, but it sure is definitely unique.

Well, this is what I told my friend: "That you are hurt. I am most certain about it. That you are losing the one and only person who has value before your eyes is nothing I can doubt. Yes you are suffering... sure that you are. But there is something you can't afford to lose. There is one thing you possess, which no one could ever take away from you, when you give it, it is out of freedom... out of an inner liberty that makes you what you really are. This thing is the gift that is you. You are your own gift, you are the only gift you can offer the world. However hurting, however flawed you may feel you are... you are precious. Can you learn to embrace yourself? Can you learn to touch your own wounds and to draw healing from them? One way is by accepting the fact that you are hurt, and then treating yourself with a little care, with some respect. It would worth nothing if you have value before others yet lacking this sense of dignity that makes you lift your head even if you are hurting deeply."

She smiled. And I dared say no more. I watched her in silence plunging into the depths of her tears. Yes, she was embracing her own pain. It is healing.

6 comments:

Sheila Deeth said...

Wise advice. How easily we devalue ourselves.

ROMUALD DZEMO said...

Waouw... It is great to have you following my blog Sheila. Hope you are writing wonderfully. Thanks for the comment.

kewong said...

what then can make us ascertain true love void of deception?

ROMUALD DZEMO said...

We might be having some misunderstanding... my message in this post is about accepting and living through our hurts. They aren't always the end of us... we are higher than what hurts us. Saying that there is a deceptive love implies somehow that there must be a fidelity. For how can we have the right notion of deception without knowing fidelity?

rhyminimelts said...

i remember our last talk, i didn't understand you completely and i don't know where you're going. then it hit me when you read this with conviction... acceptance is what i'm after and you made me realize it. fear of being alone is there but being free of the misery is liberating. thank you so much...

Rhy said...

Dear Rom,
sometimes we need to accept that some things are never meant to be and we should be contented with things how they are.
Sometimes the heart gets tired of longing, hoping or searching. People makes hasty decision but it was their choice... Staying or leaving? it's a choice for themselves to make and sometimes no matter how much we beg or try to make them stay we can't control them over what they'll choose.

welcome to the WORLD OF HAVEN VALLEY

I am not a cut different from the ordinary human who walks the street. But in my journey, I strive to understand the music that surges from the wide worlds within every individual, that which makes him/her that fragile and sacred at the same time. I have found myself sometimes looking at someone farting with thumps-up as though goading him on to sanity. Seemingly meaningless things have been things that have communicated sense to me especially during louring hours. That is what this journal is. I offer these thoughts to the world with wonted pleasure and gratitude to all that awakens the human in me.

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